Unloading purposefully

Sometimes I get soooooo mad soooo angry -boiling with rage.... that I DO forget how scary it is. 

How no one EVER REALLY KNOWS (for sure) if I will stop with just yelling and slamming things around.

Because at those times.... 

If I had a gun in my hand???

There is no doubt it would be going off!
At SOMETHING... At anything.
That is the thing.  

If you are OUT OF CONTROL....
It doesn't matter what you've got.

The shrapnel flys.... No stopping it.

And when I'm mad 

-i want it to hurt-

but ONLY because... I forgot what I know.

Not because I've changed my mind about how much I love you.  

But, because I forgot to "shoot" this out beforehand.

I forgot to unload the gun before I came in.  

And in the moments of madness 

-i really don't know me.  

Because I can't even see straight! And, I couldn't aim if I tried!  

So.... My goal is to FOCUS in my moments with other humans.  Especially my loved ones.

And to FOCUS my energy on things that are effective for me.  

Like making noise (singing) and moving (dancing) and making lots of messes (art).

If i don't make a mess on purpose.... I'm gonna make a mess accidentally.

ready to unload!😜

Your faveOxymoron ❤️les

PS I still owe apologies…

this is why i pick up trash and try to create beauty

Self portrait 2012 ~ Leslie Cooper

at Clearview Womens Treatment Center~

Art Therapy with Marlene Frantz (thank you!)

i fought calling myself an artist...

i fight to CALL myself an artist.

but, the idea is still a joke (to me) and

it starts the bile a churnin'.

when i am working.... i can forget. 

so.... i work ~ all the time.

and~ 

The Broken ~ LiVES /lIVZ/

i am proof.

*art and accessories made from litter... trash i collect off the streets where i live. 

*10% of every sale will be donated to Foundation 45.  https://www.facebook.com/foundation45help/

#suicide #prevention

#mentalHealth

Online sales to begin soon! 

❤️les

~your favorite oxymoron

May is Mental Health Awareness month!

May is Mental Health Awareness month!  

And I think it's apropos....

Because it was this very month 

~ i became AWARE of MY (VERY OWN) MENTAL HEALTH!!!!

i can say with pride and satisfaction that 

i saught Mental HEALTH....

and then i caught it.... that son of a gun. 

And now ~this month of May ~2016

~ living at home w/ my parents again..... 

~working for my dad again.....

~in some (minor) debt again.....

I've got nuthin really to show for anything!

Nothing tangible or of much "monetary worth" ... I own nothing. 

But, after SO MANY YEARS

~ thousands of hours and probably ~MILLIONS of dollars!!!!

~on therapy and the other fun and costly accessories of .... what do we call it now?   MENTAL iLLNESS.  (I've been pretty busy the past several years...😏)

THIS MONTH 

~ i completed something HUGE!!!

Because 

~ i have learned how to be 

~at home with ~ mySelf.  

(And I've discovered some pretty cool things about me ~while I was at it. 🙀)

Wow!  What a month!  What a life....

Happy Mental Health Awareness month to me!  And, if you can't say the same.... Know you ARE NOT ALONE! And there is sooooo much to hope for.

So.... Keep an out! 😜i got some good stuff up my sleeve....  Who NOSE 👃🏼 what's next?!?!?!?!  

Comfort and joy~

❤️les

Your Favorite Oxymoron  

Birthday break ~ well deserved

"Give yourself a break!"

"Don't be so hard on yourself."

These two phrases ~ I've heard too often lately. 

And then .... I go trying to explain that THIS is the good part.... So, it's ok.  Because.... Yeah yeah yeah....used to be.... Blah blah .... now i know....cause I figured it out!  Lemme show you.... 

But, I can't.... Cause I'm not quite there yet.  

And I haven't taken enough time to slow down and see that....  

Because time is tick tick ticking .... 

And I am running on fumes here.... 

And I can't be in the same place when my birthday hits.... 

I can't take more time to "get well" because I am well! 

I could get a job at Target now.... I can.  But, I need to prove that I can do what I can do.  I have to keep moving until I prove this.  I have to finish something.  I can't cross this finish line.... Hands in the air "eye LIVED THROUGH 38 YEARS OF THIS" style..... If I don't prove that I have something to offer.  I can't be a parasite again this year.... 

And.... Woah.... 

I don't want to be a parasite?  

Yeah, maybe I need to give myself a break. 

Maybe I should go a little easier on me.

And, I've got some clarity now.

I need to earn a living.  

I need to do certain things to LIVE.  

I need a roof (my own).

I need to keep moving on my projects

in the pace that suits me.... For health not for money.

And, guess who has a job?  And a roof! And a safe space to move ANY direction at ANY pace!  And ANY time!!!!

Me!  I got a job with an artist.... where I can use my skills and learn a whole bunch more!  And.... We have fun. ☺️

Roof wise ~ I'm covered at the moment. And, with a coupla options for "my own" to look at in the next few days.  

Also, I know I'm not a parasite.  And, I was being too hard on myself.

So, I'm gonna give myself a break.  

Happy Birthday week too me!  ☺️

❤️les

Not proofing this one.  Break time. 

Here I go…. On the road again!

So.... I just spent an AMAZING week in the Piney woods of East Texas..... And I've got my return visit on the schedule.  😊

Now.... I’m heading back to big D (suburbs of Dallas actually) to celebrate with my sweet niece!Little Leah, she turned 7 ~this week!
Man…. She is really sumthin….I mean SUMTHIN ELSE!
I can’t wait to see her face tonight 😍and ask her to explain a Vinn diagram to me. (I had to choose chocolate/white or both! For the cake!!!! Can you NOT wait?!?!?!)I LOVE THIS!!!!Happy LEAH’s BIRTHDAY to me! 😜😍❤(🙏🏻thank you Jesus!🌈You continue to amaze me….)
Man…. She is really sumthin….
I can’t wait to see her face tonight 😍and ask her to explain a Vinn diagram to me. (I had to choose chocolate/white or both! For the cake!!!! Can you NOT wait?!?!?!)

❤️les ~ your FAVORITE oxymoron

Post-haste and the nature of being me.... I'm on a roll!

So, I just spent a long time (longer than you would dare to imagine.... i promise.) working on this blog post. *more than once 😏

And, fumble.... it is gone. 
And, OUCH it stabs so sharply through this heart of mine.... 
Then I remember.  
I can just write a new one. 

So, here I am.... writing anew.



Now I'll tell you a tidbit about what I've been up to!

I am writing ~full time~ these days.  
And, as it turns out.... I am in better physical shape than I was when I was farming full time!

It's true.  I sometimes wear kneepads when I go out writing....  I'm not as young as I used to be.  (wink)

No, really, I do.  
I've got all sorts of unusual practices intertwined with my writing. 
I keep trying to explain though....  
This life I am building ~ My very own LIFE WORTH LIVING ~ is seeking health and happiness.  
And, finding the best (most effective) ways of living.  

In my world.... almost NOTHING about the traditional way of writing sounds good to me!
~sitting in one spot ~inside ~hunched over a computer or notebook ~while my whole body screams in revolt....  

No thank you!  
I am seeking a life where I can live comfortably.  
I am so over torture! 

Also, I am feeling really positive about the projects I've been working on.... I think I am really close to some next (real) big steps!



Now, my living situation.... Many are curious.  Many have questions.  

Where are you living now?  How long will you be there?  Where will you go next?

Great questions!  I have no precise answers.  Sorry.  

I have this great new truck (thanks pops! he gave me his "old" truck)!!!!  

And, I've discovered a real need to drive and diversify.  

So, all those folks who have said they would LOVE for me to come visit????  

Guess who would LOVE to take you up on that offer!  

I am also available for house sitting/pet sitting.  AND, I've got references. 

I've been told.... I am pretty good at "holding couches down" for the night!  Or even the occasional afternoon.  

So, I hope to visit lots of friends in the next little while....  
I do not want to intrude or impose my life on anyone. 
I'm just trying to keep things moving.... in any direction! 
Keep those wheels turning.... 

In just 1 week (last week) in 2 different cities ~ I tried 3 wheels ~ 2 times!!!!
It is not as easy as it used to be....

You can just ask my face. 

A couple of my exciting projects include....  

Finishing up my "big" book. 

Working on some songwriting and singing.... and overcoming some terrific stage fright.

Shorter and more frequent posts to come.... That what I'm gonna try this month.

Have a happy day!

❤️Les ~ Your Favorite Oxymoron

There once was a girl who spun yarn.... And had a dream....

And.... Guess who that was????

It was me!  

So, I made this video.... In January of 2011. 

It was not an easy task!  

AND.... I WON!!!!  

I won an online contest.... to win a flock of sheep!  

And I really truly had NO CLUE what that would mean.... for my future.  

Making this video.... 

It started a process.... 

I HAD TO BE ME!!!! 

IN FRONT OF THE WORLD!

And, I had to ASK FOR HELP.... from friends and strangers!!!!

I had to ask people to vote!  

To WATCH the video....

TO LOOK AT ME.... AND LISTEN....

Please.... 

AND.... If you truly believed it was true.... Please, say it was the best!!!!  

THE MAKING OF THIS VIDEO.... 

It's when I started fighting for my life....

for what I needed to live in this world.  

It started the process of ME FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE!

Those sheep....

They changed my life.  

They brought me back to life!  

They taught me how to live with death.  

AND,

After just a short time with those woolly life-savers.... I decided I wanted to LIVE A FULL LIFE!

Next order of business after learning to be a shepherd.... 

And loosing 100 lbs during the first 365 days at my new job.... 

It was TIME.... 

to LEARN HOW TO LIVE A HEALTHY LIFE. 

Now.... Talk about hard work!  Whew.  

http://youtu.be/tJN5w_FMlec 

Introducing.... Ima Poet

One reason I write…. A touch of manure…. And big time HOPE! 

I see it so clearly now!
I can write it right. 
I can write it down and out. 
And give it up! 
Make something beautiful out of stupid bull….poop. (manure)

Not let it poison me or make a big stink...
And upset the neighbors….
Etcetera…. And on and on….
And onnnn….Ahhh! 

But, turn that poop into something more!
Turn it
and,
allow it to change…. 

Organically
Physically.
Chemically.
Tangibly.

Give the poop some air.
Give it room to breathe.
To do it's thing….

It becomes fertilizer!
It will help me grow.
It will give me strength to grow
-stronger and wiser.
And fruitful!
And multiply!

I grow as I go!
And I'm going….
Right now.

This moment is MINE.
I'm claiming what I own!
I'm searching for my miracles.
I'm grabbing on and holding.

And, I WILL SHARE MY WEALTH!
I have a wealth of knowledge.
I know what I'm worth.

I have….
Life saving,
Life giving,
Life living knowledge.
I have Living Hope!

And I'm not gonna hoard it….
Keep it all for mySELF….
To use and dispense at (my) whim.

Nope!
I want to offer my Hope…. to the world.

It IS free!
We can ALL own it. 

I Hope.
I Pray.
I have Faith.
It is True.

Warmly and with lots of love,
Your Favorite Oxymoron....

Leslie Spinderella Cooper ~ A Poet

(written December 13, 2015)

So.... here we are.... It's 2016!

And, I've already accomplished some (SERIOUS) procrastination!  And, we already know, when I do things.... I do them hard. 

SO, that's why I'm not gonna shame myself into waiting another minute.  I will start this new year with a post on my old (neglected) blog.  I do not have to have my next (new) big thing ready and waiting.... 

I can handle the space . . . .  between  . . . .   
now . . . .   

I can handle the quiet. 
The waiting. 

I don't have to let fear paralyze me before I get my foot out the door.  

I can utilize each moment.  
The chaotic.
The calm.

I do not believe fear is overrated.  
Fear saved my life many times.
Fight and flight .... each in several ways.
(I know those responses will go off without a hitch when needed.)

AND....
Today, I'm gonna go out on a limb.
Today, I'm gonna go far out man. 
Today, I'm sharing with you, what I'm aiming for....

January 1, 2016

I am setting a goal.... two actually!!!!  

1.   I will publish a book in 2016.   (I'm working on several things.... SOMETHING will be in print in time for Christmas gifting 2016.)  

2.   The next New Year's Eve that comes around.... I will be preforming for the public.... on purpose! (Still overcoming some incredibly ginormously uncomfortable stage fright.... AND working on writing some songs!) 


So, there it is.  It looks really crazy.... And, I guess it is.  
I am just trying to aim all that crazy in the right direction.  
I am learning how to make my "crazy" work for me.  
AND FOR OTHERS!  
I've got lots to share!

Happy New Year!  That last one was sumthin else!  Wasn't it?  

Warmly,
Leslie Cooper ~ Your Favorite Oxymoron