I am a human being with Borderline Personality Disorder AND I have a lot more to me than that!

What is Borderline Personality Disorder?  check out this link for some information...
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Please remember that I am human.  I am not perfect.  I was given free will.  My brain has been skewed by genetics and situations in my life.  I am constantly (even when it doesn't look like it...) working to be aware of my initial emotions before they take off without my permission!  Mindfulness.  I need a post about that.  I am sure I have started one...

Oh, and I have discovered a bit of a problem.  I will take suggestions or offers for assistance!  I think a tiny part of my issue with incomplete posts might have to do with a tiny issue I have with perfectionism.  Which I do know that perfection is pretty much impossible.  And possibly an issue I should work on a bit more.  But, one thing at a time people!  Come on! SO... (maria?) I am looking for an editor of sorts.  I would just like to have someone look over a post and point out obvious errors in grammar or punctuation.  AND I need someone who will not take the ME out of this... but possibly just keep a post more or less on the same subject.  Even a reminder that I wanted to expand on something I had spoken of earlier but cut off (hopefully) to get back to the point.  Huh.  What was the point to this post?  Seriously, I had NO idea the answer to that question until I reviewed the other text! haha... not funny...

Hope you are having a great start to the "Month AFTER National Borderline Personality Disorder Month!!!"  I heard in a movie once that it was good for a lady to be fashionably late...  I don't remember the exact parameters around the "fashionably" so I just stick with LATE!

Much warmth or cool (which ever you are in the mood for!) to all of you!

Leslie Cooper,
Your Favorite Oxymoron

I have 27 "almost finished" drafts in the lineup...

It seems that at least one person noticed... Okay, I'll take that back! Only one person called me out on it. I have an idea a few others will give me "some feedback" during our next converstations.

Why did I have to go and make an "Any Questions???" section on my site anyway??? Here was the Question for today: 

Why haven't I heard from you in a while? I haven't had anything good to read. Are you hiding? lol

(Oh and thanks, RD, for the addition of a compliment! Very wise of you! Hahaha)

The ANSWER??? That is a tough one. I am obviously struggling. I am obviously ashamed that I am STILL struggling.  

There is this song. I heard it first from Willie Nelson, but it was written by Paul Simon. It turns out many (many many) other artist have covered the song as well. It is a song I have wept with or to or because of and sometimes I've just listened to it when I knew I needed a good cry. It gives perspective. Perspective that EVERYONE has something to struggle with. The events in the recent past and most likely in the near future (as we are under a Tornado Warning right now)... remind me how much pain there is in this world. How much loss. Loss. Loss... It pains me just to type the word. Everyone experiences loss. The next step? That is the key! What do you do with the pain? What do you do with the empty space? Where do you go next? Who do you turn to?  

We ALL need community! You can't stand alone! In my Faith, I am forever blessed to have someone by my side. BUT!!! Even as I say that... I want to emphasize that (even my God wants this for me), COMMUNITY IS NECESSARY! Hiding or avoiding community is not a step towards ending the pain. You know what else is necessary? ASKING FOR HELP from your community AND if you don't yet have the "community"?  It's time to start building your own! And, RESTING when you are weak or weary is NECESSARY! That is on of the reasons we NEED community. We need people to call on when we are too weak or too lost! AND... Guess what? We need to be held accountable to others.  Treat ourselves as we would treat others as well as treating others the way you would want to be treated!  

So, yes. I let myself be swallowed up in LOSS. It is a deep place to get out of and takes more energy than I have at times. But, I am still working on it.  

And... My name is Leslie and I go off on tangents sometimes... But, that is why I haven't been finishing posts lately. I am not going to read this again until it is posted.  Otherwise... It could take another nudge before I post. Re-read once!  Going to try and limit myself from going over and over and over again!  Maybe I should just have y'all edit me? Just kidding!  I realize the time involved in that project! Hahaha! I am hopeful that this will get me back in the game!

Oh! And, the song I was referring to earlier! It is a beautiful song. A powerful song.  

I have links for a couple of the artists who have covered it... Amazing to hear the difference between each of them.

Simon & Garfunkel ~ American Tune

Paul Simon ~ American Tune

Willie Nelson w/ Paul Simon on guitar ~ American Tune

Indigo Girls ~ American Tune

Eva Cassity ~ American Tune

Darrell Scott ~ American Tune

Crooked Still ~ American Tune

Curtis Stigers ~ American Tune

Dave Matthews ~ American Tune

Anastasia Barzee ~ American Tune

Glen Phillips ~ American Tune

Storyhill ~ American Tune

Kurt Elling & Metropole Orchestra ~ American Tune

So... that might be more than a couple of versions? And a tiny bit of obsessive-ness showing... Anyway, praying for all of the LOSS being experienced these days. It seems like more all the time...

Next step? Shower and Therapy! Rain shower... and sheepish tornado preparation! Thank the Lord I didn't need to know what I was doing!!!

Good to visit again.

Your Favorite Oxymoron,

Leslie

Lookie lookie lookie what I found over here!!! ;-)

When I was diagnosed with ADD (almost 2 years ago now!) I read an article about SIMPLE simplifying. The idea was to get rid of things that were junking up my inbox. For instance, I could unsubscribe from all of the online catalogs and the things that I could GO "look up" when I was "looking" for something in particular. This might sound pretty obvious to you, but to me it was a lightbulb. I had subscribed to so many things because I didn't want to miss anything! And, can you guess what really happened??? I had TOO MANY! And I was missing EVERYTHING along with building an inbox full of around 2,000 unread emails... It was pretty unbelievable... I mean hundreds of emails came even after I thought I had hit them all!

There were a select few that were saved from the wrath of my unsubscribing frenzy. These were the things that I wanted to be reminded of and I hoped for informative emails from. And you have no idea how happy I was to get this particular "junk mail" in my inbox today! (Well, if you know me at all... you might have an inkling. If you don't, you're about to!)

One of my ALL TIME FAVORITE PEOPLE... She is an author and an inventor and a farmer and a scientist and an advocate and a teacher and a speaker and a philosopher and a philanthropist and a student of life AND on top of all that... she is an autistic woman with the most fantabulous western shirt collection aside from Roy Rogers himself!!! That's right! Dr. Temple Grandin is her name. :-) (I like her.) I have read almost all of her books... I came upon the first one Thinking in Pictures 17 years ago (OMG! that's a loooong time agoooo...), right after I graduated from high school. I was working at a summer "camp" (daycare) at my church. It was better than camp for me though! I fell absolutely and completely in love with the most fantastic little boy I had ever met! His name was Stefan and he changed the way I looked at things. He was pretty severely autistic and pretty hard to handle for some. I, on the other hand, lived to come to work and work with him. He returned my affection by trusting me. It was an amazing experience and I wanted to learn more! That's when I found this lady, Dr. Temple Grandin. She is autistic and thriving! And, she is an animal lover with a passion for and dedication to their welfare too! I found her story oh so riveting... And, I felt a kinship with her... I guess I did with Stefan too... I wanted to understand. And, I felt understood.

Anyway, I am happy to share the deal that dropped into my inbox today. ~ Read the wisdom that comes from perseverance AND (;-)) application of knowledge... Lookie lookie lookie it's eBooks for every device!!!

Dr. Temple Grandin Library

Source: fhautism.com via Leslie on Pinterest

So, the even more exciting-ness that happened because of this strange chain of events I've connected here... Wait for it! AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I found out that Dr. Temple Grandin will be speaking at a conference! In 7 days! Less than 30 minutes from mi casa!!! I almost hesitated to ask my boss/dad for another day off (if you only knew how much work I've missed this past year alone...). But, my dad knows that I wouldn't have asked for anyone or anything besides Temple Grandin or Elvis (and that would be under the condition that I KNEW I'd get to meet him.) ;-) So, extra fingers crossed for health and all that. I want to be clear and connected that day. And, maybe I will get to ask a question!?!? Or maybe I'll take her some of my own sheep's wool!!! Oh boy! I don't know how I will sleep for the next week...

Hoping for less junk and more exciting-ness in your lives as well!

<3 Love <3
Leslie AKA Your Favorite Oxymmoron