Investing in me? I've been wondering...

I don't know much about investing.  Especially important kinds.  Today I saw a scene that collided with the incredible information I heard ALL DAY LONG... and, it got me pondering the pond.  Uh, I mean the river.

I was just wondering if the investing going on or in/off/whatever ;-) would be considered top-down investments or (the ever so similar... in appearance) bottom-up investing?

Or does it even matter cause I just wanted to put a picture of a duck-butt on my blog and we should all possibly reconsider???

Well, it probably means something more along the lines of:
I saw a duck dining on the river and really wanted to share it's unique posture on my fabulous blog... and it is quite late... and it was an amazing day filled with so much unbelievably good information and news that I couldn't possibly pick one to talk about.

Yeah, that sounds more like it.

Thank you for investing in me whichever way you look at it!  I am so pleased to be able to share these moments with you.  Even when I can't see which way is up!

Sweet dreams from Your Favorite Oxymoron!
Les

Nothing to do but fall behind...

I was about to start this post out with a "Why" question... but, before I could even type it out, I knew the answer! So, I'll switch it up a little... Why is it that laziness breeds laziness? I mean, why do you need rest to live AND if you take it one minute too far it will only encourage slothliness? I need to have an invisible electric fence line that will *ZAP* me in to action just before I cross it! Otherwise it's just too easy to k.e.e.p.. o..n... s-l-o-w-i-n-g d--o--w--n... I also know that this very fact-o-business is one of the greatest reasons that Opposite Action is something I believe in. And, if I could just remember the concrete evidence that I have not only WITNESSED but EXPERIENCED... then I wouldn't even NEED to opposite action my butt out of here!

And, since I don't have a fence and I don't have my own personal cheerleader, I guess I am just going to have to do this myself.

Situations are usually beyond our control. Absolute control anyway. Oh boy, I suddenly remember promising myself something (and posting it here with the unfortunate fortunate result of rubbing it in my own face of reminding me of things I've already learned. DANG blabbermouth!!!) Oh yeah! That was part of a sentence!!! Ok. I remember saying that I would pick up the pieces of any "mess" I found myself in and try to make something beautiful. So... I can do that. I can try anyway. So, shouldn't the regular everyday uncomfortable situations be easier to deal with? Probably so. I probably am just not as motivated by the mundane as I am the catastrophes. I am kinda hating that I just admitted that one. :-P

Ok, so, right now. What to do right now? Do I go "all out"? "Genitals to the wall"!!! ;-) (sorry mom! sometimes I just can't stop myself! i am sure it is part of my "condition"... bawhahahhahah! see?!?!?!)

No. No, I DON'T sabotage myself by trying to do a bunch of things that I absolutely CAN NOT DO AT THIS TIME! No, I don't. I start right now. I go from this moment forth! And, thanks J.S. for the rock solid advice! I think I shall share it with the masses... My wise friend said, "If there's anything really easy you can do, do that... at least you can check something off your list." Because, interestingly enough, the truth that this post was based on is ALSO true here! When you make progress... you WANT to make more! It is fun gaining momentum!

This moment. It is a gift. I want to make the most of it. (now I've said it on the blog and I can rub my nose in it look back to it if I need a reminder.) :-P AND... Bedtime!

Thank you and GOOD NIGHT!
Leslie,
Your Favorite Moron Oxymoron

stop!!!

time flies when...

Time flies when... well, all the time. Doesn't it? And, no matter what, I always feel unprepared for the next thing on the horizon.

One week ago today I moved out of my second home. It was definitely not the second house I have ever lived in. I think I lived through 5 houses before I was out of high school. But, home wise? That is surly only two. And the thing that I recognized a week and one days ago was a whopper! It was one of those "lightbulb moments" I will talk about frequently on this blog. The kind that are blinding! Sometimes the light is a long awaited one. Sometimes I don't even know I've seen it until I start telling someone else and I can't shake those irritating sun spots! This one was a little of both. I will share an excerpt from an email I wrote to my DBT class facilitator/therapist here in Texas.


January 30, 2013:
"I am really really really nervous. I am so glad I will have a little break with my friend this weekend. Whew. It will be a much needed vacation. Have u checked out the blog yet? Just wondering... You might like it." :-P

"I am sure you have felt what I'm feeling right now... I feel like I'm leaving home instead of coming home. Like I have to cut this umbilical cord and strike out on my own. Funny, I just realized that I never did this with my family, EVER! Even my actual umbilical cord started rotting and stinking and wouldn't fall off! Mom and Dad called the doctor who told Dad he had to pull it off! Whew... I really didn't want to let go... of that dependence... of having to take care of myself, by myself... I now know that when I do cut the actual cord it isn't like cutting off part of me! The things that I am separating from don't disappear! They are a part of me now! It is just the wormy tube of jelly (gross!) that I am getting rid of. It is just time to start feeding myself... That's sumthin..."


Now, I still agree that "that's sumthin"... Don't get me wrong! I also know this... The time I was writing that email I had run out of options... at least any that kept me in California. My second home. My place of residence and refuge. My safe place where I did a massive amount of growing up and where I felt (for the first time in my life) like I belonged. I know that I would have struggled leaving "home" at any point (which is possibly one of the reasons I never really did in the first place...) AND I still feel this came a little prematurely. But, some things are just way beyond my control, no matter how hard I try to wrangle them.

My farewell last Thursday day was pretty darn unbelievable. You want to see the excerpt? ;-) I titled this email (to my family and DBT therapist), I'm safe in bed all tucked in and hopefully passing out any minute...


January 31, 2013:
What a day... What a day... I think it will take me a while to recover from this one! Whew-wee... It was wonderful though. I have never felt so accomplished in my life. I've been trying to figure out why it felt so different... Besides the fact that it felt like home... (No offense fam! I just didn't feel alien there. That's all. It is different but the same.) You probably know what I'm talking about. When you are with people you love like family because it is such a great connection. AND, when I walked in to a room I was funny(!) rather than feeling like the butt of a joke!

These women, that I worked so hard with and admired so very much, said some things that I will never forget. Well, I guess I will never forget the way I felt when the words were spoken. Cause I couldn't remember half of them the moment after. Ha. It was soooooooo sad. It was sooooo huge. And it was sooo beautiful and hopeful. It felt good. I felt and still feel that the things they said are true... That's weird, isn't it???

Alright, well it's about that time..."


And, guess who fell asleep before I finished or sent my "don't worry about me I'm safe at my friends home" email? I did! My computer battery had run out completely by the time I woke the next morning to it sitting open on the edge of my bed. I apparently didn't move a muscle. Thank goodness!

So, this past week has been interesting to say the least. I spent the first half of it painting with friends on a beautiful patio, developing silly new dance moves (aka. New Opposite Action Moves!), giggling, crying, reminiscing and making memories. The second half has been almost identical weather wise, giggling wise, crying wise, reminiscing and making memories wise. Overall, I shouldn't complain. ha! I am loveloveloveloveloving spending more time with my sheeps! Farming and shepherding were the two things I couldn't access in California. It just wasn't gonna happen... I have had some fantastic reunions with my sweet niece (among other sweet family members). I am working with my DBT therapist again and rerooting myself in a weekly class. Next week I will conquer the office! And who nose ;-) what will be next??? If you do, please don't tell me! One thing at a time ~ ONLY! And sleep is next right now...

Sweet dreams ladies and gents!

Leslie,
Your Favorite Oxymoron

<3 and you know that saying "Home is where the heart is."  I'll take YOU (my home and my heart) with me everywhere i go... sounds nice...

It works I tell ya!

Just a quick note since I spent my allotted blog time setting up the ? and comment sections today. I do invite you to use them. For whatever. If you have a personal question for me... give it a shot. I may or may not be willing to tell you. But, if you just have a question about life or bugs or something I'll give you what I've got. No doubt about it!

I want to say thanks to all my friends and family around who are already hittin' the site up! I've got lots and lots of big stuff to come. I'm pretty sure that I couldn't be more excited...

Oh, and you know what?!?!? I slept last night! All through it! Like a baby. Woke up with my eyelashes bent all awkward again. (I hate that!) BUT, my point being that it was Sunday night (the night I stay awake fretting all night) and I feel like I'm running out of time. But, I put my life away last night. I stopped to take care of myself. I literally turned the volume in my mind down. The "noise" still there but faint. Kinda like when you hear the lawn mower outside your window. My mind created its own personal white noise machine. Ha.

Sleep has always been important in my life. Sometimes too important. Sometimes an escape. At times I've also run from sleep. I somehow came up with the idea that if I stopped I was quitting. And sleeping is definitely slowing down if not stopping... And, the act of sleep is leaving myself very vulnerable to outside and inside elements.

Anyway, I guess I just wanted to share my itty bitty success with you. I was feeling burdened and I was pushing myself too hard and then I had a chance to do some Opposite Action and I came out a winner! Ahhh... I'm about to win again here pretty soon.

Alrighty then, my eyes are pretty much closed already and this computer, Before I turn into a donkey at midnight. And... that last part is what happens when I am so tired I am delirious... I thought it was too funny to delete though! hahaha! Oh yeah and "quick note" my butt! I wonder if I will ever do anything quickly? :-P

Warmly,

Leslie,
Your Favorite Oxymoron!