Ready for Departure??? NEVER!

Ahhh… Getting ready for a departure…

It is an event for me to get ANYWHERE, let alone in a hurry… and on time? Yikes! Mornings especially are not my forte. Haha. So, this morning as I tried to beat my mom to the punch on the "Are you asleep in there?" (the shower.) and the "Maybe you should start putting things in your suitcase?" questions... I thought of a couple of strange and very "leslie" topics. I thought I might share while I wait for the plane to board.

Does anyone else have trouble waking up in the morning? Does anyone lose track of time in the shower BECAUSE THEY ARE FALLING ASLEEP OR DAYDREAMING? (just to be clear.) I have a couple of strange tips for those of you who are not morning people.

1st ~ If you love a warm shower but it seems to hurt your chances of snapping out of a dream? You can… Talk yourself through the steps in a really goofy voice. Sometimes I use a combo of -ish accents. I'm talking British, Scottish, Irish. You know? Or you could go more vampire/French. Whatever your proclivity… ;-)

2nd ~ Again… If you love a warm shower but need to wake up… Nearing the end of the cleansing process try this:  Tell yourself, in your preferred dialect, "Now I will begin to start turning the water down in small increments." And every time you do adjust the water a tiny bit to the cool side... say it again! Don't get it TOO cold! If you do… there is a chance you will just jump back under the covers! A nice, gentle, cool temperature will do a body good. At least in the hot Texas summer…

3rd ~ If I had a third to start with the plane ride with the kid pooting next to mom and the sad girl next to me… I forgot. I'll let you know if I remember.

So, as I just revealed… I am back in my part -o- Texas! Hello Dallas! Hello Luby's Cafeteria! Hello Daddio and Sis and Bro-in-law and my GIRLS! I'm goin' to eat some of the best macaroni and cheese in America!

Leslie,
Your Favorite Oxymoron

I can't let my girls wait on me now can I?  I am the fabulous Aunt!!!

Better Get to Livin' (warning: lots of repeating myself for dramatic effect AND !!!'s)

What do you do when your life is so far from being where or how you want it, that you don't even know what "it" would look like if you were there??? Well, I can tell you what you shouldn't do! NOTHING... Cause nuthin' never got nobody nowhere!!! And I know all about that. :-/

I have a fine example for you. Let's go for a walk down ole' Memory Lane...

Once upon a time in a land Ahh, forget it! I guess it's more like Sedentary Street AND I am just now packing(?) or unpacking(?). Who knows? So many double negatives and the like I am gettin' CORN-fused! Anyway, I have been "temporarily" residing in my parents home for over two years now. (Yes, I said OVER TWO years. Oh, yes. I did...) The thing is, when I moved my boxes and my body into their house I forgot to pack my spirit. Probably because it had been beaten down for so long (I contributed to that, a smidge) that I thought it was trash and I dumped it.

Since "the move", I have literally been living out of boxes. Living - Out - Of - Boxes!!! But really, why would I unpack? I mean, it is NOT where a girl wants to live on her 33rd birthday! LET ALONE HER 35th!

So now, over two years have passed. I can't tell you nothing has changed. Things have changed! But, I still wasn't satisfied. And therefore, the way I spent my time didn't change. I still spent my time dwelling on the past or worrying about the future or other people and their problems and how I could help or how I could ignore or how I could have or should have blah blah blah! And I hid, behind people and things and situations and even sheep - whatever! And, for a long long time I wasn't even inching forward.

Just because I am not where I "wanted" to be at this point in my life or because I am "behind" in the race of life does NOT mean I stop living! In fact, the opposite should be true! (Wink wink.) Don't ya see?

I don't want to continue "residing" here, in this house, and I do NOT want to continue camping out mentally either. And yet I do reside here right this moment with my loving and supportive parents. What an opportunity! So, here's the deal, if I'm living in the moment AND preparing for my future there is no waiting until it looks and feels like I think it should. I've got to work and build that life worth living. And THIS moment, right now, I am making a commitment to myself that I won't stop. Even when the process seems futile. Even if I get hit by a tornado or two. I will pick myself up and collect the broken pieces and make something beautiful from them. And, while I reside in this house I am going to LIVE in this house. It will be like I am setting up a model for my future. Let's see what works! Let's take advantage of every moment and practice what works and change what doesn't. Otherwise I won't really know what the life I want looks and feels like. Will I now?

I'm starting out VERY simply... This is a corner of my "Big Room". Which is really the attic over the three car garage. And it is a great space for me! I've just got to use it. Which... I am!

I set up this little artistic space in the corner. That is my dad's 1st drafting table that he got in 10th grade! I hung some of my favorite art work I have done and one AWFUL attempt that might just be my favorite because of that very fact. haha. I wrapped a bunch of scraps from yarns I've spun around a broomstick and put it in the corner. I really like that for some reason... And, one of my very favorite possessions is getting some use again... my fantabulous gold velvet couch!!! I know... its quite a start... Who "nose" where this might lead??? ;-)

One more thing... Good ole' Dolly Parton has a song that summarizes this pretty well. It is called "Better Get To Livin"... how bout that? And, I tell you what, you should really watch this music viedo. As if Dolly wasn't enough of a character she recruited Amy Sedaris (one of my all time favorite famous people. both of these ladies actually!) to help out! What a couple of nuts! Like the best kind of nuts!

time flies when...

Time flies when... well, all the time. Doesn't it? And, no matter what, I always feel unprepared for the next thing on the horizon.

One week ago today I moved out of my second home. It was definitely not the second house I have ever lived in. I think I lived through 5 houses before I was out of high school. But, home wise? That is surly only two. And the thing that I recognized a week and one days ago was a whopper! It was one of those "lightbulb moments" I will talk about frequently on this blog. The kind that are blinding! Sometimes the light is a long awaited one. Sometimes I don't even know I've seen it until I start telling someone else and I can't shake those irritating sun spots! This one was a little of both. I will share an excerpt from an email I wrote to my DBT class facilitator/therapist here in Texas.


January 30, 2013:
"I am really really really nervous. I am so glad I will have a little break with my friend this weekend. Whew. It will be a much needed vacation. Have u checked out the blog yet? Just wondering... You might like it." :-P

"I am sure you have felt what I'm feeling right now... I feel like I'm leaving home instead of coming home. Like I have to cut this umbilical cord and strike out on my own. Funny, I just realized that I never did this with my family, EVER! Even my actual umbilical cord started rotting and stinking and wouldn't fall off! Mom and Dad called the doctor who told Dad he had to pull it off! Whew... I really didn't want to let go... of that dependence... of having to take care of myself, by myself... I now know that when I do cut the actual cord it isn't like cutting off part of me! The things that I am separating from don't disappear! They are a part of me now! It is just the wormy tube of jelly (gross!) that I am getting rid of. It is just time to start feeding myself... That's sumthin..."


Now, I still agree that "that's sumthin"... Don't get me wrong! I also know this... The time I was writing that email I had run out of options... at least any that kept me in California. My second home. My place of residence and refuge. My safe place where I did a massive amount of growing up and where I felt (for the first time in my life) like I belonged. I know that I would have struggled leaving "home" at any point (which is possibly one of the reasons I never really did in the first place...) AND I still feel this came a little prematurely. But, some things are just way beyond my control, no matter how hard I try to wrangle them.

My farewell last Thursday day was pretty darn unbelievable. You want to see the excerpt? ;-) I titled this email (to my family and DBT therapist), I'm safe in bed all tucked in and hopefully passing out any minute...


January 31, 2013:
What a day... What a day... I think it will take me a while to recover from this one! Whew-wee... It was wonderful though. I have never felt so accomplished in my life. I've been trying to figure out why it felt so different... Besides the fact that it felt like home... (No offense fam! I just didn't feel alien there. That's all. It is different but the same.) You probably know what I'm talking about. When you are with people you love like family because it is such a great connection. AND, when I walked in to a room I was funny(!) rather than feeling like the butt of a joke!

These women, that I worked so hard with and admired so very much, said some things that I will never forget. Well, I guess I will never forget the way I felt when the words were spoken. Cause I couldn't remember half of them the moment after. Ha. It was soooooooo sad. It was sooooo huge. And it was sooo beautiful and hopeful. It felt good. I felt and still feel that the things they said are true... That's weird, isn't it???

Alright, well it's about that time..."


And, guess who fell asleep before I finished or sent my "don't worry about me I'm safe at my friends home" email? I did! My computer battery had run out completely by the time I woke the next morning to it sitting open on the edge of my bed. I apparently didn't move a muscle. Thank goodness!

So, this past week has been interesting to say the least. I spent the first half of it painting with friends on a beautiful patio, developing silly new dance moves (aka. New Opposite Action Moves!), giggling, crying, reminiscing and making memories. The second half has been almost identical weather wise, giggling wise, crying wise, reminiscing and making memories wise. Overall, I shouldn't complain. ha! I am loveloveloveloveloving spending more time with my sheeps! Farming and shepherding were the two things I couldn't access in California. It just wasn't gonna happen... I have had some fantastic reunions with my sweet niece (among other sweet family members). I am working with my DBT therapist again and rerooting myself in a weekly class. Next week I will conquer the office! And who nose ;-) what will be next??? If you do, please don't tell me! One thing at a time ~ ONLY! And sleep is next right now...

Sweet dreams ladies and gents!

Leslie,
Your Favorite Oxymoron

<3 and you know that saying "Home is where the heart is."  I'll take YOU (my home and my heart) with me everywhere i go... sounds nice...